Life as a Family of Four

We have been a family of four for six weeks now, though most of the time it feels like we've always been this way. The last six weeks have been filled with so much joy and sweet memories as well as stress and adjustment. In my short experience as the wife/mother in a family of four, I've learned a few lessons.

1. This is a season- I've been telling people that so far I have felt that going from one child to two has been an easier adjustment than going from zero children to one child. I think a big reason for that is simply my perspective. When Nathan was a newborn, our world was rocked and our lives were completely changed. At the time, I felt like it would last forever, the sleepless nights would never end, the spit up and diaper blow outs would always be happening, etc. But guess what, it didn't last forever. Eventually, I started to feel rested and full nights of sleep returned. Nathan  even started going to bed early enough that Matt and I had plenty of time to spend together and doing individual things in the evening. We had date nights, even weekends away and vacations again. It was a season, and a precious one at that. This time around, when I'm totally exhausted in the middle of the afternoon, or when both boys are crying and need something at the same time, or when getting out of the house and loaded in the car takes 10 minutes, I remind myself that this is a season. It won't always be an ordeal or require three different bags to run a simple errand, I won't always be changing diapers all day long, and our lives won't always be scheduled around feedings. In fact, a year from now, I know I'll be sad that the time went so fast, and I will miss these days with my little guys. So in the chaotic moments I'll remind myself that it's only a season, and during the precious times when I'm cuddling both boys on my lap or Nathan says "I love you Mommy" in his sweet baby voice, or I hear Samuel's coos from a blanket on the floor, I'll remind myself too that this is only a season and I will soak up each moment and memory with my little family.

2. I can't do it all... and that's okay- Before Samuel was born, I felt like I could do it all as a stay at home (and even working a few hours a week) mom. The house was cleaned weekly, laundry was done, folded and put away, meals were planned, groceries bought and dinner cooked every night. We were able to make it to Storytime at least once a week and plenty of other fun outings, and I spent lots of quality time on the floor playing with Nathan. On top of that, I had energy in the evenings to go for jogs, and spend time with Matt after Nathan went to bed. I spent time with friends and finished my Bible Study every week. Since Samuel has been born, that is not the case. There's always a pile of laundry that needs folded, and dust on my furniture. We make it to Storytime only if it's a good week, I'm relying on freezer meals and simple meals each night for dinner, I'm slow to respond to emails, and the list goes on. Sometimes it seems like I'm constantly working and nothing is getting done. That's been hard for the perfectionist in me, but I've had to learn that it is okay. Ten years from now, shoot, even one month from now, I won't care that my shower didn't get cleaned every week or that I only vacuumed every couple of weeks and we ate mac and cheese three times in one week. It's not that big of a deal. I've had to learn to let things go and relax. In this stage of my life, my "job" is being a mom and a wife. I take pride in it, and I want to do a good job, but right now I can't do it all, and I'm learning to be okay with it.

3. I have to prioritize- Since I can't do it all, I've also learned that I need to prioritize. This has also been a challenge especially since I'm a pretty goal oriented person. I like to check things off my list and see tangible results. The hard thing right now is that the things that are most important don't always have tangible, immediate results. Doing train puzzles with Nathan and playing cars with him or snuggling with Samuel doesn't always feel productive to me, but I know that it is vital. The main reason Matt and I have made the decision for me to stay home with our children when they are little is for me to be engaged and interactive with them. So when Nathan grabs my hand, and says, "Mommy, play," when I 'm in the middle of folding laundry, I will choose to stop what I'm doing and get down on the floor and play with him. Even if my to do list never gets accomplished anymore, I want to make sure I keep my priorities straight.

 4. A strong marriage is vital- In the craziness of adding Samuel to our family, I feel like our marriage has taken a hit. Newborns are needy, 24 hours a day. And although two year olds are less needy, they still require a lot of time and attention. So, especially in the early weeks, Matt and I were both busy meeting the needs of our boys which took practically all of our time. Evenings seem especially crazy. Between the time when Matt gets home from work, and Samuel goes to bed for the night, he has three feedings, dinner is cooked, eaten, and dishes washed, two baths are given, and lots of bedtime stories are read. There's just not much time for anything else, and if there are a few minutes to spare, both Matt and I are usually exhausted. We were talking about it a couple of weeks ago, and Matt said that he felt like I was spending all my time meeting the needs of Nathan and Samuel, and wasn't meeting his needs. I completely agreed with him, but I told him that I just didn't know how to fix it. The boys' needs are so immediate and important right now. I strongly believe that in my line of priorities, my husband should come before my children. I'm a big proponent of date nights and time alone without our children and being purposeful in working on our marriage. And I also believe that one of the best gifts Matt and I can give our children is for them to grow up with parents who have a strong, Godly marriage. It just seems that right now, in this short season, the boys' needs have to come first. They have to be fed, changed, bathed, etc. and those basic needs take a lot of time. So during this transition, Matt and I have been relying on the strong foundation we have built in the seven years we've been married. The trust, security, and love that we have established is carrying us through this time, and I've been so thankful for it. I'm thankful that even when the only time we really get to talk and catch up is an evening walk to the playground, and the only alone time we have is when we collapse into bed at night, we both know we are loved, and our marriage will make it through this season without too many bumps or bruises.

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