One Month Old

Dear Nathan,

You are already one month old. For me the best way to describe this past month is with contradictions. It's flown by but at the same time seems like a really long time. Sometimes the days go fast, and sometimes they are really long. It's also probably been the hardest month of your mommy and daddy's life, but at the same time one of the best of our lives as well. Your mommy has cried more this month than any other I can remember. Sometimes it's been out of fear or frustration yet so many times I've cried tears of pure joy. I remember when you were just a few days old, I was rocking you in your room and you just stared right at me, and I lost it. What a blessing you are to our family. Then there was the time when we scared your daddy by walking out in the garage where he was working with tears running down my face, because I had changed your diaper and you were bleeding from your circumcision and it just broke my heart that you were hurting and I didn't know. There have been nights when you and I have both been in tears because I didn't know what was wrong or how to soothe you. You have certainly changed our lives and now we can't imagine life without you.

We have learned so much about you this month.

You love to be held and sleep best when you are in someone's arms which is where you've spent the most time since you've been alive. For the first three weeks, someone's arms were usually always available to cradle you. Daddy got up at night after I fed you and would hold you while you slept. You could be sleeping so soundly in our arms, but the second we put you down, you would wake up. We've been working on teaching you to go to sleep in your crib since Daddy has had to go back to work, and you are still learning. The doctor told us you were old enough to let you fuss for awhile in your crib when we lay you down for a nap, and surprisingly this has been harder on your daddy than for me. I think it's probably because its more important to me that you learn to be a good sleeper. He's not up with you at 3 in the morning anymore since he has to work all day. Plus I've read books talking about the importance of teaching you good sleep habits.
You love to suck. When we saw you on ultrasound one time you were sucking on your arm. You continue to do that sometimes, and anytime I see you sucking on your arm, I remember that special day when we learned you were a little boy. You like to have your hands in your mouth all the time too. Other people always think you are hungry, but your mommy and daddy know that you just like to have something to suck on. We wanted to wait at least 2 weeks to give you a pacifier, since you are nursing, but during a really rough night when you were ten days old, Mommy gave in and let you have one, and you haven't let go yet. You love your paci, and as long as your diaper is dry and your belly is full, your paci almost always soothes you. Sometimes you try and get your hand and your paci in your mouth at the same time. That usually doesn't work very well. It reminds us of Rhapsody trying to get two tennis balls in her mouth at the same time.
You don't like to be left alone. You will happily be swinging or laying on the floor, and if we leave the room for a minute we hear you fuss. You like to be close to us and don't like feeling left out. I think you get that from your mommy.

Sometimes before you start crying you will pant a little (hee, hee, hee) like you are working up the energy to full out cry.



You like to take your time when you eat and make your mommy work to keep you awake sometimes during feedings. When you were little bitty, sometimes there was nothing I could do to get you to wake up, and I tried everything. Now that you are older, I can usually keep you awake. Sometimes we dance, and there are several times that I have to change your diaper or take your clothes off to keep you awake. You get better at eating everyday though and your momma gets more confident too.
You have a love/hate relationship with your swaddling blankets. You seem to sleep better sometimes when we swaddle you tightly, but other times you fight that swaddling blanket with all your might to get your arms free. Then you sleep with your arms above your head. It's precious. We've stopped swaddling your arms as often now, and you are still sleeping pretty soundly.

You are still tiny. That's what everyone says when they see you. They comment on your hair too. You were a little slow at gaining the first couple of weeks, but made huge strides during your third and fourth week. We went to the doctor two days before you turned four weeks old and you weighed 8 lbs, 2.5oz and were 21 inches long.

The mornings are my favorite time with you. Right after you eat, I get you dressed for the day and lay you down on a blanket and watch you kick your legs and wave your arms. You rarely cry in the mornings even when I'm changing your diaper.

Speaking of diapers, you go through a lot of them. We feel like we are always changing you. In your 31 days of life, we have gone through 4 big boxes of diapers, 2 smaller packages, plus about 40 diapers we got from the hospital. You hate having a wet diaper, and whenever you fuss, that's the first thing we check. As much as you hate being wet, you hate being changed just as much. You will scream and scream the whole time I'm changing you, and as soon as I pick you up you immediately stop crying.

You still don't like baths. I remember hearing you scream so loud in the hospital when they gave you your first bath and you continue to show off your strong lungs when we bathe you at home. Every time we listen to you scream while you are getting bathed, I tell you that someday you will love baths and you will cry when we make you get out of the bath tub.

We are trying to get you one somewhat of a schedule and are using the Babywise principle of the feed, wake, sleep cycle. We both get a little better everyday. You usually stay awake after you eat, but usually at least once a day it's hard to keep you awake and you take a really long nap. Also, at least once a day, I have to wake you up to feed you. I try not to go longer than 3 hours between feedings during the day to make sure you get enough to eat, and so you will save your long stretches of sleep for during the night instead of the day. The biggest struggle right now is that at your late evening feeding, you don't realize that the cycle changes and you are supposed to go to sleep right after you eat. Instead you are wide awake for usually close to an hour after your late evening feeding. I've gotten into the habit of just holding you while I lie in bed until you fall asleep. As long as you are in my arms, you are content to look around and suck on your paci. Lately you have been eating around 11:00, falling asleep about 12:30, waking up around 3:oo to eat and then sleeping until between 7:00 or 8:00. If we could just get you to fall asleep right after your 11:00 feeding, we'd be doing great.

You are still wearing newborn clothes and newborn diapers. I put you in 0-3 month clothes sometimes, but they are still too big for you.
I love to watch you stretch when you are waking up or right when you finish eating. You raise your arms over your head and raise your eyebrows too. I've been trying to get it on video, but I haven't been able to yet. I really hope I can capture it on video before you grow out of it.

Daddy loves it when you hold on to his finger. He comments all the time what a strong grip you have.

Everyday I feel like you and I start to figure each other out a little more. Some friends who had a baby two weeks before you were born told us when you were 2 1/2 weeks old that eventually the good days start to outnumber the bad days, and that has been true. As we get to know you more and are able to meet your needs better, I've noticed that you are much more content and less fussy. There are lots of times during the day when you are a happy baby. Your daddy and I love you so much and fall more in love with you every single day.